Eric Ludy - Depraved Indifference

This is a very powerful video that tells so much how Joe and I feel about helping the children living in poverty without the hope of Jesus Christ.  It won't take long to view, I hope you'll take a moment to watch this.  Joe has also said many times, "What if that were my boy?" It makes me wish we could be there now. 

"Mom, how long will you be a missionary?"

Tonight, as I tucked the kids in for bed, Lucas had a heavy heart I could see.  We had just finished bedtime prayers together, which includes praying for another missionary or anyone else that ends up in our prayer box for some reason or another.  Tonight we prayed for Tim and Sharon Hawk who are recent retiree's from the Honduras field.  We asked the Lord to bless them for the work that they've done and to help them to make the necessary adjustments they'll need to make as they step out of a lifetime of service.  As they are adjusting, so we are as we're preparing to step in.  Yet I realize that while it's true that there are definite adjustments that both our families are making, it is really just in where we serve.  As I was praying with our kids, I asked God to help Tim and Sharon to see this too(if they had not already), so as to not wonder "now what?" So back to Lucas. We finished our prayers, they were all tucked in and as I was about to leave his room, I heard him ask, "mom, how long will you be a missionary?" I figured our prayer for Tim and Sharon must have caused him to think about this. I have already explained to our kids many times that it doesn't matter where you live, you can always be a missionary, so I knew that this wasn't the answer he was looking for.  I asked him "Do you mean how long will we serve in Honduras?"  He shook his head. We've already explained to them the two year discipleship plan and then four years on and one year off, yet I know kids forget so I began explaining it again.  He interrupted me, "I know that, but I mean how long will you do all that for?" I started to answer "as long as the Lord..." and then I stopped. I fear that my "right or wrong" words will make the difference if our kids feel resentment toward God because of our call to missions.  I was without words and I have yet gain confidence in knowing how to handle these topics. So I asked Lucas, "how long would you like to see it be?" He had an answer within a fraction of a second, which told me that he's thought about this before. "Ten years." "Why ten years?" I asked. He needed not do the math again, it was obvious he'd already done it...I wonder how many times?  "because in 10 years I'll be a grown-up and I'll miss you if you're still there." Of course I've thought of this before but it hit me tonight in a different way.  I've struggled with wishing our parents would give us their blessings on this.  They each have reached their own level of acceptance of our calling, but oh how we'd love to have all of their blessings.  Tonight I felt their pain as I realized I too could have to give up being the adult parent I always thought I'd be. I too could have to adjust my expectations of what kind of grandparent I will be. I fumbled for words and I struggle with knowing how much of my own struggles I should share with them.  so I just told Lucas how some missionary kids end up becoming missionaries too and he stopped me short. "I know, but I think I'm gonna want to spend some time with my grandparents." Keep in mind that when he says grandparents, he's very much also meaning his great grandparents. My heart sank. I couldn't bring myself to remind him of the effects of time and what that could mean. Yet he's a smart kid and he ponders thoughts worse then I do, so I'm sure he's already thought of it. All children have to face the cruel reality of saying goodbye to loved ones, but how could I remind him of this as we are about to take him so far away?  I usually am one who struggles to express my feelings but tonight it was all I could do to hold it in until I left his room. I got down on my knees and I pleaded with God, "are you sure Lord? This is so much harder than I ever thought it would be! I don't know if I can do this...I'm scared for our kids...I'm scared that they'll resent us and even worse that they'll resent you! Could it be that we could wait until they're grown?"  My heart sank to a new depth as I remembered Lucas' response "I'll be a grown-up and I'll miss you."  Would there ever be a perfect time to...to...to be obedient?  I remembered the scripture I read just this morning from Luke where the disciples were asking Jesus if they could first do this or do that before they followed him.  Jesus spoke to me and I knew that He doesn't want obedience with delay.  He wants obedience.  And then the words, "I'll give you a peace that passes all understanding" kept replaying through my mind until I truly had received a peace that passes all understanding. It doesn't make sense. I don't know how this will all end. Yet I do know that even though the Lord did not give me the ok to delay, he did give me a greater sympathy and understanding for what our parents are going through. Tonight he also gave me a peace that truly does surpass all understanding.  So tomorrow when I manage to lose my peace once again because my mind recalls again the little faces of the homeless boys who we saw and I'm fretting over the opposite(not being there yet), I'll remember the peace he gave me tonight that passes all understanding. 

Mountain Number Three: Letting Go Of Our Treasures

We had already begun our application process through World Gospel Mission, so when we got back it was just a matter of waiting.  In the mean time, we had some friends of ours come to us and ask us if we were still interested in selling our farm.  The sign had been down for some time by this point and the housing market was falling rather quickly.  We prayed about it and felt that it was time.  Joe had a harder time with this then I did.  This was his dream since he was a teenager.  I remember him telling me when we were still in high school that someday he was going to get me that place.  The only thing that really interested me in it was that it was the joining farm to my grandparents farm.  Needless to say, he got me that place and together, room by room, we made it our own.  Joe always had dreams of raising our kids there and then having them bring the grand kids back to play and climb the same trees our kids climbed.  Yet deep down he knew that someday the Lord would ask for it back.  In fact, I remember him telling me shortly after we moved in, "you know, someday the Lord is going to ask for this back" as if to prepare me.  The Lord knew Joe needed to be prepared as well.  One morning, as the day of signing the papers was drawing near, Joe woke early as he was struggling with the idea of giving it back. He was praying to God and his prayer went something like this: "Lord, if this is all me, just losing my mind, stop me now cause I really don't want to let this place go."  The Lord spoke to him when he saw, in his minds eye, himself giving God this great and wonderful thing...his farm, his home, his treasure. Once he put it into God's hands, it all turned to dust. Then the Lord said to Joe, "you give me your dust and I'll give you a treasure that will last forever."  So that is what we did.  It wasn't hard for me, until it was gone.  Isn't that so typical...you don't appreciate what you've got until it's gone.  But all that being said, we can look back and see how we are so free without it.  Two weeks later we were officially accepted by World Gospel Mission and 1 month after moving out Joe was laid off from his job.  We were so thankful for the Lords perfect timing and how our downsizing made his year long layoff seem actually as a blessing.  The job he took in that year taught him so much.  He was cleaning carpets, but what he learned was so much more then that.  Joe has always struggled with being outgoing and with speaking.  This job put him in peoples homes everyday and with many elderly people who just wanted to talk.  The Lord knew that Joe would need to develop these skills as we prepare for fundraising with speaking at churches and also for the time on the field.  It has all been in His perfect timing with His perfect plan.  Only He could sell our house in the midst of the housing slump and he didn't need a FOR SALE sign to do it.  Only He could know that we would need the financial freedom and the freedom from all the stress of the farm so we could concentrate on our biblical classes we needed to take.  Only He knows which mountains will come and what the best plan is for either a removal or an ability to persevere as we push past them.  My next post will be about pushing past...for this next mountain he chose not to remove.  He knows what is best and what we need to learn through the mountains.

Mountain Number Two: Where and What Is He Asking?

So after the Lord reminded me that He will help me, I was the one who couldn't stop talking about it on the way home that day.  I wanted to get the Internet and start looking to find out more about what the needs were and which mission agencies might need us.  Joe on the other hand felt that the Lord was wanting us to be patient and let him bring it to us.  This was hard but it wasn't long after we submitted to whatever it was He wanted of our lives that He began showing us.  It was a Wednesday afternoon when Joe brought the mail in and we discovered an envelope with no return address.  In it was $900 cash and a little pink note that read, "For God's Work."  We hadn't told too many people about this yet because we were still a little unsure as to what He was asking of us.  We were so excited and we knew that this was the beginning of whatever journey He was leading us on.  Four days later, on Sunday morning, our church had a missionary scheduled to speak about what God is doing in Honduras through their support.  One question that we kept asking ourselves and God, was how was He going to use a welder and a housewife.  Mark and Sarena Dunbar are missionaries in Honduras and they were serving (at the time) at a boarding school for underprivileged Honduran boys.  The primary purpose of the school is to teach the word of God and to provide the boys with an education and a skill that they can take with them when they leave.  One of the skills that they teach just so happens to be welding.  These boys also need a mother figure.  This surely couldn't be happening!  We were so excited and the next thing we knew we had a trip planned to go visit this school.  The Lord showed us there that He was able to use people like us and that He was indeed calling us to bring hope to the underprivelaged youth of Honduras.  The Lord has been so faithful in removing the mountains, one at a time...in His perfect timing.  So this was Mountain Number Two.  I'll write again later on Mountain Number Three...Where To Begin Now That We Know.

"Love me" - jj heller

Mountain Number One: My disobedient heart.

When Joe first felt the burden, I was not with him.  My biggest concern was how I could be a mother and a missionary.  Whenever he wanted to talk about it I would cringe.  I thought maybe we could adopt one of those children.  Joe thought that sounded good, but that was not it.  I prayed the Lord would change his mind.  This went on for several years.  I remember telling God that I felt I could support a missionary, support a child, even adopt a child.  I just didn't think I could go.  So I half heartily submitted to doing something for this cause.  (I'm not saying supporting a missionary, a child or even adopting a child is half hearted.  It was just trying to be transparent in that I knew that it wasn't what he was asking of us.  I was trying to find a way that I could be obedient without actually doing what he was asking of us.)  So I knew that no matter what we did, we couldn't really do much with our farm and our debt.  So we decided to put our place for sale and look for a cheaper home.  We made an appointment to look at a house in Berne.  On the way there, I remember Joe was talking about going again.  I was looking out my window and thinking, "I'll go if I have to, I just wish he wouldn't talk about it so much."  When we got to this house we knew right away that it wasn't the house for us, but the realtor told us he thinks we'd like a different house he had listed.  He went on to say that it was the home of a family who were volunteer missionaries and they had gone full time and needed to sell their home.  (We had not told him our story!)  So when we looked at this home I saw their pictures on the wall.  I saw the pictures of the mother and father and of the small children.  And then I noticed something.  I was looking at a picture of a special needs child.  This lady was a a wife, a mother to small children, along with a special needs child, and a missionary.  The longer I was in their home the Lord began to work on my heart and I felt a confidence that I had not yet had.  I could do this.  If she could do it, then I could do it.  Then the Lord reminded me, "No, 'if I helped her do it, I'll help you do it.' "  The house wasn't for us, and we had our place listed For Sale for over a year and it did not sell.  Yet what happened that day was the Lord's removal of the first mountain.  It wasn't until then that I was whole-heartily willing to do whatever it was he wanted us to do.  Even if that meant going.  On the trip home I was the one who couldn't stop talking about it.  We never know what the Lord will use to get our attention and change our heart.  I'll share more next time how the Lord showed us the need and the place he wanted us to go.  We do serve an amazing God who WHO WILL MOVE MOUNTAINS FOR HIS WILL TO BE DONE...ONE AT A TIME.

Brief Summary

Several years ago God began to stir in our hearts a burden for His children who are living in poverty with no hope.  It has been a long process in getting where we are today and we recognize that there still is a long journey ahead.  There have been so many mountains in which we felt there would be no way we could get around, but the Lord has faithfully removed them, one at a time.  The first mountain was made up of fear.  I didn't understand how I could be a mother and a missionary.  I prayed the Lord would change Joe's mind.  He used a series of circumstances to help me see and his ever present whisper began changing my heart.  He removed that mountain. 
After submitting to his calling he made it clear that we were not to go looking for what needs were out there.  We knew that we were to wait for him to bring it to us.  He brought to us the needs of Honduras and the need for a welder to help teach his skill to the boys at a farm school called Escuela El Sembrador (which translates to School of the Sower.) 
He removed the things of this world that owned us...(mortgage and debt) by bringing us a buyer for our farm without having a For Sale sign in our yard, and he gave our children the vision as well when we took them to see where we will be going.  While they each have their moments of fear and concerns, they seem to always come back to remembering how good it felt to be used by God with the relationships they made in the time they were there. 
We are finishing up our bible classes, (we're both on our last one now) and we have just begun officially being on HMA, which stands for Homeland Ministries Assignment.  This is our time to raise support and minister to those in the states who may be feeling inadequate to be a part of the great commission. This is how we first felt and still do, but we're reminded that it's not about us and where we are weak He is strong.  He's proven this to us over and over.

When I get this figured out more I'll come back and share more on the amazing removal of mountains he's done for us.  We serve a big God and there is no mountain too big for him.  So if you are facing a mountain, for whatever it seems to be getting in the way of, remember He made them and He will move mountains for His will to be done.