"Love me" - jj heller

Mountain Number One: My disobedient heart.

When Joe first felt the burden, I was not with him.  My biggest concern was how I could be a mother and a missionary.  Whenever he wanted to talk about it I would cringe.  I thought maybe we could adopt one of those children.  Joe thought that sounded good, but that was not it.  I prayed the Lord would change his mind.  This went on for several years.  I remember telling God that I felt I could support a missionary, support a child, even adopt a child.  I just didn't think I could go.  So I half heartily submitted to doing something for this cause.  (I'm not saying supporting a missionary, a child or even adopting a child is half hearted.  It was just trying to be transparent in that I knew that it wasn't what he was asking of us.  I was trying to find a way that I could be obedient without actually doing what he was asking of us.)  So I knew that no matter what we did, we couldn't really do much with our farm and our debt.  So we decided to put our place for sale and look for a cheaper home.  We made an appointment to look at a house in Berne.  On the way there, I remember Joe was talking about going again.  I was looking out my window and thinking, "I'll go if I have to, I just wish he wouldn't talk about it so much."  When we got to this house we knew right away that it wasn't the house for us, but the realtor told us he thinks we'd like a different house he had listed.  He went on to say that it was the home of a family who were volunteer missionaries and they had gone full time and needed to sell their home.  (We had not told him our story!)  So when we looked at this home I saw their pictures on the wall.  I saw the pictures of the mother and father and of the small children.  And then I noticed something.  I was looking at a picture of a special needs child.  This lady was a a wife, a mother to small children, along with a special needs child, and a missionary.  The longer I was in their home the Lord began to work on my heart and I felt a confidence that I had not yet had.  I could do this.  If she could do it, then I could do it.  Then the Lord reminded me, "No, 'if I helped her do it, I'll help you do it.' "  The house wasn't for us, and we had our place listed For Sale for over a year and it did not sell.  Yet what happened that day was the Lord's removal of the first mountain.  It wasn't until then that I was whole-heartily willing to do whatever it was he wanted us to do.  Even if that meant going.  On the trip home I was the one who couldn't stop talking about it.  We never know what the Lord will use to get our attention and change our heart.  I'll share more next time how the Lord showed us the need and the place he wanted us to go.  We do serve an amazing God who WHO WILL MOVE MOUNTAINS FOR HIS WILL TO BE DONE...ONE AT A TIME.

Brief Summary

Several years ago God began to stir in our hearts a burden for His children who are living in poverty with no hope.  It has been a long process in getting where we are today and we recognize that there still is a long journey ahead.  There have been so many mountains in which we felt there would be no way we could get around, but the Lord has faithfully removed them, one at a time.  The first mountain was made up of fear.  I didn't understand how I could be a mother and a missionary.  I prayed the Lord would change Joe's mind.  He used a series of circumstances to help me see and his ever present whisper began changing my heart.  He removed that mountain. 
After submitting to his calling he made it clear that we were not to go looking for what needs were out there.  We knew that we were to wait for him to bring it to us.  He brought to us the needs of Honduras and the need for a welder to help teach his skill to the boys at a farm school called Escuela El Sembrador (which translates to School of the Sower.) 
He removed the things of this world that owned us...(mortgage and debt) by bringing us a buyer for our farm without having a For Sale sign in our yard, and he gave our children the vision as well when we took them to see where we will be going.  While they each have their moments of fear and concerns, they seem to always come back to remembering how good it felt to be used by God with the relationships they made in the time they were there. 
We are finishing up our bible classes, (we're both on our last one now) and we have just begun officially being on HMA, which stands for Homeland Ministries Assignment.  This is our time to raise support and minister to those in the states who may be feeling inadequate to be a part of the great commission. This is how we first felt and still do, but we're reminded that it's not about us and where we are weak He is strong.  He's proven this to us over and over.

When I get this figured out more I'll come back and share more on the amazing removal of mountains he's done for us.  We serve a big God and there is no mountain too big for him.  So if you are facing a mountain, for whatever it seems to be getting in the way of, remember He made them and He will move mountains for His will to be done.